I'm on day two of a virtual boxing program. Today was leg day with heavy sets of squats and deadlifts. The instructor is a classically sculpted gentleman with sun-kissed skin and a giant headband to keep back his nicely coiffed hair. He is a straight-up psychopath.
As we are bending down during warm-ups to stretch our calves he yells, "This is my FAVORITE one because it hurts so GOOOOOD."
He stands next to one of his students who is following along in the video and goes, "Stick your butt out like Sophia, like you want me to check it out!" as if it isn't 2020.
He walks around to the other two students and teases them about form until they manage to sputter out "don't make me laugh" in between their reps.
On our last set, he looks at the camera and says, "If you're watching at home you should be making a lot of noise right now too!" I exhale something ugly; I guess it would register somewhere between a grunt and a whimper.
I want to be on whatever planet my virtual boxing instructor is on. He's teaching his boxing classes in what looks like an Irvine office building with floor-to-ceiling windows for walls on the top floor of a giant glass box. He's hardly breaking a sweat as he tries to get through to me with my wild eyes and beet red face. Though I feel a recirculation of endorphins that let my body know I'm okay, I'm so bewildered by and jealous of his good spirits.
Life in these workout videos looks so nice and clean, so incongruent with mine. I forget that these are filmed so many months prior to our current circumstances.
The one thing that drops me back into reality is the crunchy GarageBand trap beat that weaves in and out of the video to sterilize my hot room. It's that supremely manmade noise, the equivalent of bland cream-colored walls, that makes me remember this was shot on Planet Earth after all.
Show me instead a boxing workout video that's playing PUP or The Hotelier or some band so far from being on 2020 exercise playlists...so I can imagine a different planet. But do keep this psycho man. He's so clueless and happy that I think this is hope swirling around in my endorphins.
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